Met the Right One? Seek Divine Confirmation Before You Move Forward
It is one thing to find the right one. It is another thing to connect successfully with the right one. In our years of pastoring, we have seen relationships we were convinced were of God that never even started, and others that started but never made it to marriage. Just because someone is the right one does not mean the relationship will automatically move forward.
So let's assume you believe you have met the right person. What do you do now? In our Recognizing the Right One series, we share three steps: get divine confirmation, consecrate yourself, and pray.
1. Get Divine Confirmation
If you believe someone is the right one, the first thing you need is confirmation from God. Be careful here. These days people say "God spoke to me" quickly, and sometimes what they are hearing is their own soul, not the Spirit of God. You can be attracted to something that is not God. You can even be attracted to something good that is not God's will for you.
David wanted to build a house for God. It was a good desire, and the prophet Nathan told him to go ahead because God was with him. But that night the Lord spoke to Nathan: as good as David's idea was, it was not God's plan for him. Many people meet someone nice. That does not mean that person is God's plan for your life.
One minister put it this way: there are certain things I don't do unless God tells me. Marriage, and even entering a relationship, should be on that list. Every relationship and every marriage will be tested, and when the test comes, knowing God is in it changes the way you fight.
If God told you, you don't have to tell them
If you believe God has shown you who your spouse is, you really should not go and tell that person, "God told me." Let the God who told you speak to their heart and make a way for the connection. You can send signals, but don't put someone under the bondage of thinking something bad will happen if they say no. Nobody should get married under duress.
The reverse is also true. If someone tells you, "God told me you are my wife," or "my husband," go and hear from the Lord yourself. You cannot live off someone else's revelation, even if that person is someone you love and respect as a spiritual mentor. Usually one person sees it before the other, and that is okay. The one who sees first should give the other person time, and the other should take time to seek the Lord.
Even when God uses a parent or spiritual authority to point you toward someone, those authorities are pointers. You are still responsible for your decision, so be sincere before God.
God speaks the way He usually speaks to you
We are concerned when someone who has never heard God about anything suddenly hears Him very clearly about marriage. God is a God of order, line upon line and precept upon precept. He will usually confirm things the way He normally speaks to you. When David faced Goliath, he did not use Saul's armor. He used what he had tested and knew, and God blessed it.
Look for grace
One of the clearest confirmations is grace. When God is in something, there is grace on it, and even the tough parts are doable. When God is not in it, even what should be easy feels hard. Learn to perceive the grace of God on what you are doing.
God confirms to both people
When the angel came to Mary, God did not expect Joseph to simply live off of Mary's encounter. Joseph had his own: the angel told him in a dream not to be afraid to take Mary as his wife. God speaks to both believers. (Everything we are saying here assumes a believer marrying another believer.)
This area of life is too important for God not to confirm it. Who you marry affects whether you do His will. It also shapes your children and the generation after you. Some people make such a mess that it takes God ten or fifteen years to undo it before their children can build. When you do it right, your children start on a different platform. God has a big interest in you getting this right, and He is eager to confirm. Seek Him, wait on Him, and pray.
2. Consecrate Yourself
Sometimes you sense in your heart that a person is the one, but your flesh gets in the way. Maybe this is not who you like, or someone else has been giving you attention. When that happens, pray a prayer of consecration: Lord, I consecrate myself to Your will and Your plan. Jesus prayed this way in the garden. His flesh wrestled with what was ahead, and still He said, not My will, but Yours be done.
We have to come to the place where we fully trust God, because He sees far ahead. When we look back, we can see how God prepared us for what lay ahead. Kemi had no idea how much she would need Tayo's support in the work and ministry God would call her to. We only get glimpses of the future. God sees it all.
Think of it like present value and future value. God sees where He is taking you and shows you the present value now. It may not look like much yet, but as you grow and share life with this person, the future value will be glorious. Other relationships look wonderful in the present, but they are already at their peak, and you don't know it.
But the path of the just is as the shining light, that shineth more and more unto the perfect day.
Proverbs 4:18 (KJV)
When a relationship is done God's way, it should get better over time: deeper friendship, deeper love. The way of the enemy is "the best is now," and then everything depreciates. So don't be moved when you see others celebrating something that is not of God. Give it time.
When your taste has been infected
Sometimes what we think is good is not good, and what we think is bad is actually good. A wrong environment or wrong information can shape our desires. Romance movies and novels create unrealistic expectations for many people, and pornography does deep damage, especially among men. Then people wonder what is wrong with the person God brought them, when what really needs attention is the junk in their own system.
If God has revealed and confirmed someone and you are still not feeling it, pray: Lord, help me love Your will. It may take a few months. The person God brings may not be your natural "taste," but your natural taste may be the problem. Trust God above what you think.
3. Pray, and Don't Pressure
Sometimes you know it is God, you have sent a signal or two, and the other person simply does not see it. Don't be in a hurry to move on. Spend time in prayer. Pray a selfless prayer too: Lord, I pray for Your perfect will for this person. If it is not you, or if you are the one missing it, God will work it out.
Here is something we have noticed: the more you pray, if it is God, it tends to grow on you. If it is not God, it tends to fade. Praying in the Holy Spirit is a powerful place to start, because the Spirit helps you pray God's perfect will.
Prayer also builds the infrastructure for people to connect. If two people who belong together live in different cities, prayer stirs the angelic activity and circumstances that bring about a divine connection. Don't underestimate it.
Put pressure on God, not on the person. Even if you are convinced God spoke to you, even if an angel appeared to you, don't pressure them. Jesus invites us to come to Him with our burdens. Take it to Him and let Him deal with their heart. You don't want anyone in a relationship with you because they feel they have to. You want them there because they want to be, and they will want to when they are convinced it is God.
If someone knows it is God but refuses to align, keep praying for them. And if they still refuse, remember that the right person is not locked into one individual. God will not hold your life hostage. He can bring someone better.
When you learn to consecrate yourself, pray for the other person, and seek divine confirmation, most of the time you will receive either a clear go-ahead or a clear stop. Thank God for the stops.
We recently spoke with a woman who had been pursued by a man many people around her were pushing her to accept. The more she prayed, the more she knew it was not him, and she held her ground. A few years later, that man passed away. She realized that if she had married him, she would have been a young widow, perhaps raising children alone. God knows the future.
So follow Him. If God says go, go. If He says no, it's no, and don't try to twist His arm. And sometimes He says, "Hold on. I'm working a few things out." Go with His leading.
We ask God for grace for you in each of these steps, and for supernatural help, especially if you had given up.
Scripture quotations marked KJV are from the King James Version, which is in the public domain.