God's Design for Marriage: The Basics and the Blessings Every Couple Can Enjoy

Over the years of working with couples, we have met very smart husbands and wives: people who excel in their careers and handle their finances well, yet feel almost illiterate when it comes to marriage. That is okay. Everybody can learn, and everybody can grow.

Every area of life has its basics. Before you can read, you learn your ABCs. Before you can do complex math, you learn your numbers. Marriage is the same. If the foundational concepts are missing, it is hard to get your mind around doing marriage the way it was created to be. So let's go back to the basics.

Marriage Was Designed by God

Marriage was not designed by individuals, by society, by our intellect, or by our education. It was designed by God. That means if we want to enjoy marriage, we need to go by His design. You can't just do what you want to do. You find out what the design is, and then you commit to living within its framework.

God spells out that design in Genesis 2:18 to 25.

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
Genesis 2:24-25 (NKJV)

What comes before the "therefore"

Whenever you see "therefore," ask what it is there for. It is a concluding statement. Just before it, God brought Eve to Adam, and Adam said she was bone of his bones and flesh of his flesh, because she was taken out of man (Genesis 2:23). The woman came out of the man, so the two were originally one. Therefore, to get back to that oneness, a man leaves his father and mother, is joined to his wife, and the two become one flesh.

Naked and not ashamed

Verse 25 shows us the oneness God intended. The husband and wife were free to be themselves, transparent in spirit, soul, and body. If two people were literally one body, nothing would be hidden between them. Even though a married couple lives in two bodies, God's plan is for such transparency that it is almost as if they were one.

This is the image God gave us. It is the ideal and the goal. If your marriage is not there yet, don't be discouraged. From where you are, you can get there. But you need to know what the goal is so you can press toward it.

From this design flow the responsibilities of husbands and wives: leaving, joining, and becoming one in spirit, soul, and body. And when we walk in those responsibilities, we enjoy the blessings God built into marriage, blessings that reach our children and everyone around us. Let's look at some of them.

Blessing 1: Companionship

And the Lord God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him."
Genesis 2:18 (NKJV)

The Holy Spirit is called the Paraclete, the One who comes alongside and does life with us. As believers, we are never truly alone. But in a spouse, God has also given us a physical companion who makes it easier to go through the highs and the lows. Someone you can confide in and share life with. Even wealth is better when you have someone to share it with.

Genesis 2:25 describes real companionship: someone you can be completely transparent with, unfiltered. In a culture where people often say what they don't mean, a true companion is one of the greatest gifts of marriage.

In our marriage, we can bring a troubling thought to each other and ask for help. We pray and turn to the Word together. Each of us has the Holy Spirit, and it is a blessing to work through things with God and with each other.

When Jesus walked the earth, He had the Holy Spirit, and still He had companions. When He was troubled, He wanted Peter, James, and John to pray with Him. God has provided that kind of companionship for us in marriage.

Blessing 2: Multiplication

God blessed humanity and said to be fruitful and multiply. As a single person, you walk in a dimension of that blessing. But marriage multiplies and enhances it. Scripture speaks of one putting a thousand to flight and two putting ten thousand to flight. That is not addition. It is multiplication on another level.

Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor.
Ecclesiastes 4:9 (NKJV)

You can see this even in practical terms. A job that takes one person an hour might take two people ten minutes. Ecclesiastes 4 goes on to describe more of the multiplied blessing of two:

Recovery. If one falls, the other can lift them up. Alone, it is much harder to recover.
Protection. Two can withstand an attack that would overpower one. You will be attacked in life, because the enemy hates you, but together you are stronger.

Part of the reason is that each spouse carries graces and strengths the other may not have, or may have only a little of. If one of you is weak in an area where the other is strong, the strong one lifts the other up. Your oneness amplifies each other's strengths.

Blessing 3: Warmth That Keeps the Fire Burning

Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; But how can one be warm alone?
Ecclesiastes 4:11 (NKJV)

That is true in a natural sense, and in a deeper sense too. It is amazing how many people have dreams, visions, and ideas that die because they have no one to share them with. Two keep the fire going.

Blessing 4: Creating What Neither Could Create Alone

There are two kinds of capacity in marriage. One is the capacity you already have, multiplied by your spouse. The other is capacity you could never have on your own. One person cannot have a baby. It takes a husband and a wife. We believe God gave us physical birth as a picture of the many things couples can create together, spiritually and otherwise.

Isaiah 51 tells Israel to look to Abraham, and to Sarah who bore them. A nation came out of that marriage. Who knows what companies, ministries, and organizations are meant to come out of yours? Some things can only come from the union God intended. That is why Hagar was never a substitute for Sarah.

Blessing 5: Power in Agreement

Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven.
Matthew 18:19 (NKJV)

God hears each of our prayers individually. But there is an amplified grace when a husband and wife agree in prayer, a corporate grace for certain things. If that were not true, the Bible would not have said it.

Worth Fighting For

When we understand these blessings, we respect our marriages more, and we fight for them. It is amazing how hard people will fight for a bonus or a raise at work, while neglecting the divine union that opens realms of blessing.

We share this to challenge your faith and your expectations. Maybe you are not experiencing fruitfulness, or your creativity together has dried up. Maybe you have reached a certain level but know there is more. Lay hold of these scriptures and go to the Lord: open our eyes to receive the full measure of Your blessing.

A Prayer for Your Marriage

Father, I thank you for my spouse and how far you have brought us. I pray you help us honor you in every way. I pray we reflect your design for marriage according to Genesis 2:24-25, we honor the roles and responsibilities you have given to us, and we enjoy the blessings that come with having our marriage patterned after Your design. I ask for the help of the Holy Spirit as we do this. In Jesus mighty name I pray. Amen.

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