Is There Really No Good Spouse Out There? What God Says to Christian Singles

We hear it from singles all the time. "There are no good men out there." "There are no godly women left." "I can't find anyone, so I guess I will be single for the rest of my life."

In our series Dangerous Lies Singles Believe, we expose the false beliefs the enemy tries to plant in the hearts of singles, and we answer each one with the truth of God's Word. Our goal is to help you build on the right foundation, so that when you enter a relationship, and later a marriage, you can enjoy it the way God designed it.

Not every lie is equally dangerous. If you believe you are 25 when you are actually 26, it probably will not hurt you. If you believe rat poison is sugar and stir it into your tea, it can kill you. Lie number one is one of the dangerous ones.

Lie #1: "There Are No Good Spouses Out There"

This lie comes in many forms. There is a scarcity of good people. There is nobody for me. I will have to stay single forever. We see it more often with women, but men believe it too. Single women say there are no godly men, and single men say there are no godly women.

Why This Lie Is So Dangerous

It pushes you to settle

If you believe there is nobody, then whoever shows up starts to look like your only chance. "I would rather take something than have nothing." That thinking leads people to settle for what is not God's will, and it explains some of the choices that leave everyone around them wondering what happened.

It quietly shuts down your faith

If you don't believe God can heal you, you won't pray for healing. In the same way, if you don't believe God has someone for you, why would you trust Him for a spouse? Once this lie settles into your heart, it changes the way you approach God.

It changes the way you approach people

Singles who believe there is a scarcity often approach relationships with a defeated mentality, and sometimes with a sense of inferiority: if someone has to go without, it will be me.

The Truth That Answers the Lie

God made them male and female

So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.
Genesis 1:27 (NKJV)

From the very beginning, when God created the man, He created the woman for him. That is the pattern of marriage, and it means there is someone for you.

One of God's names is Jehovah Jireh, the Lord who provides. Abraham was the first to understand that name. God already knew Abraham would need a ram, so He had placed one on the mountain before Abraham ever got there. Jehovah Jireh is the God who sees the future and provides ahead of the need.

Think about Adam naming the animals. He would have noticed two of every kind, except for himself. Many singles feel the same way today: God seems to have somebody for everyone but me. What Adam did not yet see was that the God who created every one of those animals had the capacity to create a wife for him. Just because you cannot see God's provision does not mean there isn't one. Your faith in His provision is not based on what you can see. It is based on who He is.

God is El Shaddai, more than enough

In Genesis 17, the Lord appeared to Abraham and introduced Himself as El Shaddai, translated God Almighty: the God who is more than enough. He did this after Abraham had compromised. Abraham did not believe God could give him a child through his wife, so he stepped outside God's will to have a child another way.

The temptation to compromise is real. Sometimes you look around and simply don't see anyone who could work. But Abraham's story is in the Bible to teach us how to overcome. Once you believe God is more than enough, you do not need to know how He will provide. You know that He will.

Abraham also felt a scarcity of children. If he could have tuned in to God's frequency, he would have seen that God had not just one child for him, but nations that would come from that child.

The Lord is your Shepherd

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters.
Psalm 23:1-2 (NKJV)

We like to read it this way: the Lord is my Shepherd, therefore I shall not want. Your needs are met by making the Lord your Shepherd. Believers often limit the scope of God's provision, but this verse does not say "everything you need except a spouse." If you are single, your need for a godly spouse is contained within Psalm 23:1. Keep reading the psalm and you will see a Shepherd who leads and guides. As you pray and yield to Him, He shows you how to walk so you can receive that blessing.

What About the Scarcity?

You may live in a place where you honestly do not see many good options. We understand. But a scarcity does not mean you will be the one who goes without. Isaac lived in a time of scarcity too, and God took care of him.

Here is the good news: you don't need a hundred spouses. You only need one, and the one you need, God has.

If You Already Settled

You may be reading this and thinking, "I already believed this lie. I already compromised." We share this from a place of love, not condemnation. There is nothing God cannot redeem. He redeemed Abraham's mistake, and He is more than able to give you the wisdom you need for whatever situation you are in now. Take this new insight to Him.

A Prayer for Singles

Father, I thank you for the blessing of being single. I consecrate myself to you, your will, and your plans for my life in Jesus name. I thank you that you have a special spouse for me, and I believe that you are preparing us for each other. According to Psalm 23, I trust you as my great shepherd and provider to lead and guide me in every area of my life, including in choosing a spouse. In Jesus mighty name I pray. Amen.

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